being

“In order to understand the world, one has to turn away from it on occasion.”–Albert Camus

2014 up and running, and nearly halfway through…. I am trying to get some goals sorted out. Being sick this week, its easy to turn inward and away from the world…. I am not sure how to start, so first I begin by pulling up other blogs on the internet, sorting through my self help books, peering over my daily planner of 2013….

2013 was …indistinct.  there were alot of days that just rolled into the other…there was the long crisises of family…work days that didn’t seem to stop…just a very long cautious and exhausted drifting….I don’t feel as if much was accomplished…I don’t think 2014 should be like that…there should be more joy

I am looking for some kind of spiritual breath to rebloom inside of me…that kind of flow passing inside that suspends time…

I need tango dancing, writing, painting, gardening, being creative in general, giving massage, teaching yoga, being with good friends, making new friends- building relationships, being better at communicating clearly and compassionately and having the patience to listen, taking control of my health more proactively especially in diet and stress patterns

tango dancing…when you begin to dance, you learn steps, patterns, then gradually you begin to listen…to your breathing, to your body, to your partner’s intentions…time is compressed to a song…

writing because sometimes my mind is messy….no, most of the time my mind is a mess…like an unmade bed where someone has fallen asleep amid old quilts, reading glasses, poetry books, journaling pencils, magazines with recipes to try still….writing allows me to strip down the bed and go through all those things more slowly…sometimes more honestly…when talking I struggle…words have so much impact and I want to do it right…so slowing down to the written word allows me to be much more picky with what I want to say versus what blows out through my mouth

painting like dancing is meditative…and also like writing…but then finally something emerges…an imperfect affirmation of sorts

I really enjoy giving massage…I wish I had found this career a long time ago…I don’t have to stumble through words…I am reassured that my touch means healing and support, that I am able to give

teaching yoga…only one classroom experience and a few treasured clients…again, movement with soul, reassurance that the body can be a solid and positive place to be…I haven’t been as disciplined this year in my own practice despite knowing how healthy and supportive yoga can be… meditation has been helpful and I would like to continue to use it in my teaching practice

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