It’s the last days of 2013, and basically the year has been a blur. Even as the season winds itself down, I am aware of only the periphery…lights on houses, an occasional holiday song over the radio turned low as I drive over to Tremont. I think sometimes, I should be making a better effort at being “in the season”…but mostly, I am just happy enough to mark off one more day off the calendar. Hospice sucks. I know that my Grandfather has lived a long life and he isn’t in any particular pain. Its just this waiting. Watching him get smaller every day, a bit more guant. His wrinkles have turned themselves inside out, smoothed by the loss of underlying structure. He has no strength to feed himself any longer. I hold the straw near his mouth so he can drink and even sucking down the thickened water now seems to be a trial for him. When he tries to talk, I bend over and wait as the stuggling words emerge, muted and torn. We are both becoming ghosts – only parts of our living are being expressed….I want to feel but emotions push me over boundaries where I am free falling alone and full of fear, so I manage. I watch him as he manages.
In Turkey, cats are favored because they were said to be favored by Mohammed. I don’t know if that matters much to cats at all since they almost always seem to be entirely self possessed, and completely self confident. Bogie, or Booger, or Bogey, or Bogieface was named at first after Humphrey Bogart, the actor. After a trip to the vet, it was discovered he was a she but the name stuck after all.