aging

sleepy Sophia

This is Sophia. She’s 20. I know, that’s old for a kitty. Yesterday my husband made an appointment to have her euthanized. He thought perhaps she had gotten to be too much for me. I told him to cancel it. I have had animals euthanized. Every single time my heart and mind struggle. Somehow it feels wrong to me. Yes, hospicing an animal is inconvenient and sometimes very difficult. Sophia gets around okay though over the last year she has lost all her excess weight. She is still going up and down stairs, jumping up on things and even running after her toys though not often. Mostly she sleeps. Her eating is sporadic. I usually open her favorite and then wake her up. She isn’t too good at actually using the catbox though she doesn’t have any mechanical trouble. We’ve set down pee pads for her and most of the time she uses them, or the shower. That’s probably the worse of it- having to clean up the floor on a regular basis.

The last cat I ‘put down’ was ill, and had been getting worse due to IBD developing into cancer. There were times she was in obvious pain. I tried every suggestion I could find, but at only seven years old, she had enough. You could see in her eyes that she was so very tired. Even so, after I wondered if euthanasia was for her or for me. It took me weeks before I could stop feeling guilty.

People say euthanizing a pet is a kindness. They say they don’t feel a thing, though we can only say what we observe without any real insight into their consciousness. They say all kinds of things but I think it’s mostly because it is just so difficult dealing with aging and death. So things are said to make it seem smoother, bearable somehow, even righteous. Maybe, I will have to euthanize Sophia but for now, she will continue with us.

3 thoughts on “aging”

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