sad but true

Recently my youngest sister posted yet another ode to the greatness of her father, and how much she missed him. He passed away of cancer, painfully and in my mind the painful part was rightfully so. I left home at 13 due to this man’s abuse. The abuse was physical, mental and sexual. Social workers and cops knew our address growing up. The last time he punched me, I left to never come back. I lived initally at a friend’s home, then the street briefly, then at an Aunt’s, and finally was shuttled off to live with my Grandparents. They were appalled that I had run away and never dived into the mess of why. I barely knew them as they had moved South to Texas years ago. At that time, my youngest sister, half sister, was only two years old. I later returned to that home to find my middle sister was being abused, more subtle this time around but even so enough to force my stepfather and mother to let her come to live with my grandparents. My Mother seemed actually relieved blaming my middle sister for the obvious petting and flirting. In my absence, my youngest sister had learnt to villify me- calling me bad, not being able to talk with her on the phone, and no longer being allowed to play with her. It was a painful time. For years I had very little contact with this youngest sister even though I had reached our several times, and now it is via social media and little else. She has no idea really of the why I left. She knows that both her parents had addiction issues with most of the blame seemingly placed on Mom. I cringe everytime I see the celebration of this man’s birthday, his death idolized, his relationship with this sister placed on a pedestal and so far I have bit my tongue. In the meantime, the players are mostly gone- my Mother to her alcoholism, my sister to one bad relationship after another and evenutal death due to drugs. In my own life, intimate relationships have been downright difficult even close friendships. I know that this abuse has shadowed a good deal of my life and am blessed to now have a good relationship, and no addiction issues- though in that case, I censor every glass of wine and re-examine all holiday blues….

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