being

“In order to understand the world, one has to turn away from it on occasion.”–Albert Camus

2014 up and running, and nearly halfway through…. I am trying to get some goals sorted out. Being sick this week, its easy to turn inward and away from the world…. I am not sure how to start, so first I begin by pulling up other blogs on the internet, sorting through my self help books, peering over my daily planner of 2013….

2013 was …indistinct.  there were alot of days that just rolled into the other…there was the long crisises of family…work days that didn’t seem to stop…just a very long cautious and exhausted drifting….I don’t feel as if much was accomplished…I don’t think 2014 should be like that…there should be more joy

I am looking for some kind of spiritual breath to rebloom inside of me…that kind of flow passing inside that suspends time…

I need tango dancing, writing, painting, gardening, being creative in general, giving massage, teaching yoga, being with good friends, making new friends- building relationships, being better at communicating clearly and compassionately and having the patience to listen, taking control of my health more proactively especially in diet and stress patterns

tango dancing…when you begin to dance, you learn steps, patterns, then gradually you begin to listen…to your breathing, to your body, to your partner’s intentions…time is compressed to a song…

writing because sometimes my mind is messy….no, most of the time my mind is a mess…like an unmade bed where someone has fallen asleep amid old quilts, reading glasses, poetry books, journaling pencils, magazines with recipes to try still….writing allows me to strip down the bed and go through all those things more slowly…sometimes more honestly…when talking I struggle…words have so much impact and I want to do it right…so slowing down to the written word allows me to be much more picky with what I want to say versus what blows out through my mouth

painting like dancing is meditative…and also like writing…but then finally something emerges…an imperfect affirmation of sorts

I really enjoy giving massage…I wish I had found this career a long time ago…I don’t have to stumble through words…I am reassured that my touch means healing and support, that I am able to give

teaching yoga…only one classroom experience and a few treasured clients…again, movement with soul, reassurance that the body can be a solid and positive place to be…I haven’t been as disciplined this year in my own practice despite knowing how healthy and supportive yoga can be… meditation has been helpful and I would like to continue to use it in my teaching practice

on to some writing…

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eventually I will get down to it…I look outside and the sky is shining, everything seems expansive and more awake than the normal….I get some tea…sharpen a pencil…pull over my favorite journal….read a few lines…fidget with pillows…sit on the couch, return to the desk…sit on the rocking chair and rock furiously….eventually a word emerges…I write it down with the newly sharpened pencil…hmm not enough…it needs the inkiness of a fountain pen…more fiddling with filling the pen with enough ink, finding the blotting paper just in case…the sun pours itself through the windows, warming the carpet under my feet….

How to be a writer in the year 2014

okay…starting yet another list…. : )

Chicago Literati

1. Write a lot of lists.

Lists are cool. Lists are in. Lists are super easy to digest, and take very little of a potential reader’s effort, thought, or time. Throw a few funny gifs in there, and ignore the sinking feeling in your stomach when you realize gifs will eventually replace even the measly word count you’ve been assigned.

 2. Be famous for something else.

So, you wanted to write a novel or, god forbid, a short story collection? Who do you think you are—James Franco? Because unless you are literally James Franco, no one cares about your short stories. You better start filming those reality TV audition tapes, or pray to whatever higher power you believe in that your arm is bitten off by a shark.

3. Build your network.

For your sake, I hope you have a famous godfather in the entertainment industry, because if not you will repeat…

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distortions

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creak, the bed moves and beneath my feet the floor is hushed whispering, my feet padding gentle across the stone tile- we are cold

brief in our lives, and memory even more so, muted we grow soft like  distortions of the clouds as they rain down – we are one moment

flying cheaply made, and terribly complex, burst at the seams with being and then smiling with no apparent reason

creak, the bed moves and accepts my body, the room is hushed  and darkening,  my eyes closing gentle across the lifetime bleeding inside  -we are dreaming